“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
Conversations that I have had lately have irritated me. I realize that to some the occurrences in the news may seem new, but they are not. Thinking that they are, is only a sign of your own personal ignorance to society. I wanted to separate myself and escape. I have been taking time to reflect on my direction once again. Not considering my career but family, friends and my personal identity. Through my continual reflection on personal identity I believe that I can reaffirm my resolution to remain authentic. I was browsing the net and found the quote above while listening to the song v.3005 by Childish Gambino and the idea for this post came.
I came across this tune by chance but it started to speak to me about what my story is, see it, what is the vision behind it. These questions are always present. The answers are all in my head. Our minds are unique story tellers, depicting life and perception as we see fit. So while I was listing to V.3005 the hook and verses started to speak.
No matter what you say or what you do
When I’m alone, I’d rather be with you
Fuck these other niggas
I’ll be right by your side ’til 3005, hold up
Spoke of progress moving forward. Who goes with you when you evolve, change and progress forward? Friends, family only the individuals that you have depicted in your mind are there. I see myself moving forward progressing into another stage in my life. After birthdays and an outing with my friends I now understand the depths to which children change you. My perspective has shifted. The first verse for me captures the reflection and introspection that took place for me.
Hold up, wait a minute, all good just a week ago
Crew at my house and we party every weekend so
On the radio, that’s my favorite song
Make me bounce around, like I don’t know, like I won’t be here long
Now the thrill is gone, got no patience, cause I’m not a doctor
Girl why is you lying, girl why you Mufasa
Yeah, mi casa su casa, got it stripping like Gaza
Got so high off volcanoes, now the flow is so lava
Yeah, we spit that saliva, iPhone got message from Viber
Either the head is so hydra, or we let bygones be bygones
“My God, you pay for your friends?” I’ll take that as a compliment
Got a house full of homies, why I feel so the opposite?
Incompetent ain’t the half of it
Saturdays we’re Young Lavish-ing
Saddest shit, is I’m bad as it
Beans they took from the cabinet (Whoa)
Sorry, I’m just scared of the future
’til 3005, I got your back, we can do this, hold up
I see insight, raw truthfulness of the words. While this first focuses on the present. Thinking of events, plans and activities. Living for the moment is always good at the moment but the after is what matters. I said goodbye to the long days and party nights long ago settled down and focused on what mattered. Thinking of this sent me to the second verse.
I used to care what people thought, but now I care more
I mean, nobody out here’s got it figured out
So therefore, I’ve lost all hope of a happy ending
Depending on whether or not it’s worth it, so insecure, no one’s perfect
We spend it with no shame, we blow that like Coltrane
We in here like Rogaine, or leave it like Cobain
And when I’m long gone, whole crew sing a swan song
Cause we all just ticking time bombs, got a Lambo like LeBron’s mom
And no matter where all of my friends go, Emily, Fam, and Lorenzo
All of them people my kinfolk, at least I think so, can’t tell
Cause when them checks clear, they’re not here
Cause they don’t care, it’s kinda sad but I’m laughing whatever happens
Assassins are stabbed in the back of my cabin
Labrador yapping, I’m glad that it happened, I mean it
Between us, I think there’s something special, and if I lose my mental
Just hold my hand, even if you don’t understand, hold up
The introspection captured here is truth. Most look for role models, peers and other for approval. The only approval that matters is from you. Whether this is about body image, confidence, fear, success own it. In high school I knew the truth, lost my way through adulthood and came back to my reality. Decisions should make without regret are the only ones worth making. I am not saying that we do not make mistakes, but own those as well.
This is the main point that I created the blog to express my individuality and share my story. Eye’s closed, Mind open the title of my blog and the concept I live with daily. Childish Gambio captures some of the essence of this concept in v.3005. Reflection and progress in a harmonic tune. The authentic personal story is only achieved when a person owns the mental picture and reality. So if you get a chance take a listen.