So I lied.
Well not really but from my perspective I did. I was not entirely forthright about my blogging. See for me it has been hard coming to terms with the death of my grandmother, the emptiness of fleeting creative outlets that I can maintain and keeping up with friends. In the past 3 years that I have been blogging I have not shared this knowledge with a single person in my inner circle family, friends no one. That was until Monday night that I chose to share it with my wife.
I opened up to her about why I started the blog. How it was originally done to express myself and a coping mechanism to deal with the loss of one of my grandmothers. I was able to get out some of the thoughts that would swirl in my head. Much like the song diary from Alicia Keys,
I feel such a connection
Even when you’re far away, mmm-mmm
Oooh, baby if there’s anything that you fear, anything
Come forth and call 4894608 and I’ll be here, here
I told my wife that it was also due to her. See she had asked me on several occasions why I did not write her love notes or poetry. I told her it is because I stopped writing in general. I lost the motivation the place that drove me to express myself. I felt that I lacked the emotional attachments and sincerity to write the words. Blogging is my way to get back to that. I force myself to once again let go. To let go of the judgment, condescension, agony, happiness and all the other emotions and bleed on the keyboard. I put it all out there to again surrender myself to my voice. She was happy. I started with the post that I dedicated to her
, then showed her the post that was written as a letter to our little girl L
. I then let her explore. She told me she understood and thought that it was written well and sincere.
So I am just now feeling like I am back in the swing of things after sharing my blog with my wife I feel refreshed. I can actually move to a self-hosted space and dedicate some more resources to making it everything that I want to. A place to share perspective, privilege, acceptance and the music of my soul.You may say that I didn’t lie but for me, truth and trust have always been a foundation for relationships so even when you choose not to share a part of yourself this is a lie of omission. sharing is a part of life and the journey this is mine come walk this path with me.