Inner Dialogue

Writing has never been my forte at least not when it came to writing papers in English class. Literature was something that I enjoyed as the author could take me on a journey, open a new world or just tell you about an experience. You as the reader were a captive audience. Stranded and obsessed with knowing what comes next. A part of me wants my blog to have that feeling , at least for my readers. I want them to want to come back, to anticipate what is next and how does the story progress?

I’m an introvert the same one that thought literature was an escape, that sat in English class dreading the mundane assignments of writing about dry topics. Reading and comprehension were practice for me, I could lose myself in the story. Being captivated and awestruck by words on a page. Now we are exposed to these sensations by people behind keyboards with words on a screen to consume at our leisure. The English language is butchered by hashtags, slang, and emojis. The avid reader is faced with an ever-shrinking market of authors that can craft unique stories.

Why does this matter, well with the constant bombardment of visual media, television, youtube and streaming have taken over? How many people do you know that still enjoy the refreshing feeling of cracking open the pages of a new book? I look at this myself included, but sometimes there are just those stories that require the feeling of a hardcover and pages.

June is a month that surrounds me with birthdays yes father’s day is in there but for me, it is flanked by my mother’s birthday, my daughters birthday followed closely by my sisters birthday so needless to say I get lost in the shuffle. I’m not bitter and it is not something that I dwell on but it is a fact. That being said it is a time that I most look forward to as summer is here so is the birthday season. My birthday, for instance, is in July. I around this time I am always asked and ask others, “what would you like for your birthday?” I get and give the usual response, “I don’t know”. This year at least for one person I responded with I want two books, the first, “My Voice: A Memoir” by Angie Martinez and the second “Double Cup Love: On the Trail of Family, Food, and Broken Hearts in China” by Eddie Huang . Both books I heard about from listening to radio stations, yes there are still people that listen to radio, but that is beside the point. I enjoy learning about the stories from storytellers. Angie Martinez has been an influential member of the journalist community in Hip-hop for ages and Eddie Huang is the author behind the book story, “Fresh off the boat”, which tells his story of growing up. this his second book looks at his life as an adult.
I find myself captivated and obsessed with a feeling that I can’t shake. I can’t wait to get these two books and dive right in.
English if you ask me now how I feel, it is different I have an appreciation for those with enough finesse to capture their emotions, feelings and can tell their story. I read books like Angie Martinez’s and Eddie Huang’s because they are telling their story. That is powerful. This is what this blog represents to me. I feel like the main character in the show Mr. Robot, Elliot, the blog is a conversation with myself. The words describe an often one-sided dialogue with an introvert struggling to put thoughts to paper. There are times when I wish I could be more like Angie and Eddie; Fluent, Articulate with a masterful command of the English language, a reverence for language and a raw honesty for telling my story. Instead, I tend to second guess myself, wait and reserve my words for fear of failing. Yes, failing, what I ask myself. My individual tastes vary and my mood heavily influence my writing. I have come to enjoy writing. Much to my own surprise and dismay. I found that a song really captured what I was feeling. I heard it on the show Mr. Robot, FKA twigs, “two weeks”.

So you ask me now what was the point? Well, I am still not entirely sure. In school, we are taught English, Language, Literature, Math, and Science. Our experience in learning and applying these are what give us an endless supply of stories. We become authors from the experiences that we have. Interactions, conversations, and consumption of media are all inputs that provide stimulation. These shape our core influence our opinions and stimulate our perspective. The culmination of all of these things is what makes us tick. Authors of our own story, our struggle, and our journey.

So as always walk with me on this journey with a small sweater and some headphones.

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