It’s been some time since I felt jaded about interactions. How in one moment you think that you are accepted, thoughts and feelings convey a sense of camaraderie but in another you realize that you are ostracized. You’re an outsider looking on the inside. I’ve been feeling like that lately at work not with my client or collaborators with my company. Understandably the management staff feels some type of way about my departure especially since it came out of nowhere. They must realize that there value proposition that once kept a lot of employees stagnant has declined with the possibilities of more impending layoffs.
Thinking of the way in which we so easily and readily use phrases like “in our feelings” or “feeling some type of way”. I use them and so many of us think that it is understood. For the past several weeks I have been wrestling with these feeling that are captured by this,
We were at the table by the window; the view
Casting shadows, the sun was pushing through
Spoke a lot of words, I don’t know if I spoke the truth
Got so much to lose
Got so much to prove
God don’t let me lose my mind
Trouble on my left, trouble on my right
I’ve been facing trouble almost all my life
My sweet love, won’t you pull me through?
Everywhere I look I catch a glimpse of you
I said it was love and I did it for life (did-did it for you)
Trouble by Cage the Elephant, trouble has been on my mind and at a point, during this month I felt my mind slip. I genuinely should not feel like this. July was a special time when I recall the events. The month of my birth, the celebration of 30+ years on this earth. When I see, experience and have written about the troubles that we face as a nation, it’s funny. I am again in my feelings. Work has been both calm and chaotic as I turned in my two weeks notice. In dealing with my management and how they perceive my reasoning for leaving I felt “troubled”. This may be why the song by Cage the elephant resonated so much with an emotional state for the month of July.
Dealing with death is nothing new, as the song says “I’ve been facing trouble almost all my life” . There are times of success and of failures but this month has been yet another of reflection. Observing and consuming the political landscape, racial divide, and social injustices as another presidential election encroach upon my existence. I’m not political by nature nor am I overly active about the racial divide or social injustices, but it has become in my opinion a necessity to speak out about what I believe to be core values. Trouble is constant it moves in ebbs and flows. We meet it head on and surpass through adversity or we fail and learn what we could do next time. We do not progress without this ebb and flow so trouble, yes, I just don’t want to loose my mind because I am bombarded by the trouble we face in the world.
So as always walk with me on this journey with a small sweater and some headphones.