Defining the intersection between listening and living

Wifey, Girlfriend and Mistress

Goddamn I got bitches (okay!) damn I got bitches (okay!)

Damn I got bitches, wifey, girlfriend and mistress


So many rappers make reference to numbers of girls they have. Well, I have one always have always will. At least when it comes to a significant other. A wifey, girlfriend, and mistress. My wife K. The lyrics above from Kendrick Lamar’s song, Backstreet freestyle, is one of many that make me recall some conversations with my wife. You see, I constantly have conversations with her about infidelity. Not that I am but concerning what she reads. She is a part of several different mom’s groups and unfortunately, most of the articles and stories are about how another husband has cheated. I can’t speak for all of them only myself. I try to calm her fears and worries. I am happy.  I’ve never been a fan of cheating. Nor have I ever seen it brings anything but drama. I know and have several friends that have experienced this first hand. Myself I do not want any part of it.

You see what I value most is love, companionship, and trust. The less drama the better. I like to keep life simple. As simple as life could be when you have a two and a half-year-old. When I’m with my wife I have all those, her and L, are my home. My home is a place of love, simplicity, and joy. I wanted to speak on this because 2017 is a big year for us it marks a milestone. Our 10 year wedding anniversary this coming June. Milestones including these are my time for reflection. I reflect on questions: have I been a good husband? A good father? Have I spent enough time with my wife? Have I made sure she knows I love her? What can I do to be better? And do better? I reflect and analyze these questions most of the time until I have an answer.

Yes, I have a single Wifey, girlfriend, and mistress because it is what has contributed to my marriage lasting 10 years. I know there are plenty of articles, books and even therapist that give couples advice on how to have a strong marriage. I found after talking to so many married couples and reading some material out there. There is only one real way and to focus on growing together. Keeping communication open and making time. This is hard, especially after, having a child but it works it.  Let me explain what I mean.


I. WifeyIt’s more than just the union between two people. It is something special. Unlike how the work is normally used I am using it here to describe the woman I love. A woman that for me I would do anything for. Wifey is a partner. The person you have committed to sharing a life together. When I think of mine I think of Sade’s song Your love is King because it is. The feeling of endless bliss. My wife is strong, supportive and makes me happy.


Your love is king, crown you in my heart
Your love is king, never need to part
Your kisses ring, round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing
Tearing the very heart of me, I’m crying out for more
Your love is king, crown you in my heart
Your love is king, you’re the ruler of my heart
Your kisses ring, round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing
I’m crying out for more, your love is king
I’m coming on, I’m coming
You’re making me dance, inside


II. Girlfriend — Keeping a marriage alive for 10 years is difficult but not much different for us as we have been dating for 13. Yes, dating. Your wife should be your lifetime girlfriend. Your relationship should be treated as dating. Making an effort when things become standard. It is a big deal when you say, “I love you” for the first time so for me, I make sure that I try to give it that feeling every time I say it. She is my girlfriend. We are far from perfect but we make it work. In dating and a relationship what it means to be a girlfriend or boyfriend working toward a goal. So I keep that in mind. I think of Tamia’s song, “So into you” because you should be so into your partner. It captures the contentment and happiness about being in love. Just being together. This is how we have made it 10 years and will make it more.



III. Mistress — Some husbands venture outside of their marriage looking for what is missing. Well, I ask why it is missing. The answer is simple because you didn’t put enough work in or communicate with your partner. Marriage is a partnership, you grow together.  My wife is my mistress. We keep our relationship exciting. We share, we communicate. It is not just about the physical but also the emotional. In making it 10 years and looking to the next I know that we will make it. We communicate, we excite one another and we love each other just as much if not more than we did when we first got married. All this is true because we made it so. Husbands have mistresses because something is missing either because they weren’t willing to be emotionally or mentally engaged.

When I consider how K, is my wife, girlfriend, and mistress I understand it is because we communicate, we work and we grow together in this partnership. I leave those in committed relationships with this. Treat your marriage like the Anita baker song, Caught in the Rapture. For husbands make sure your wife is your wifey, girlfriend, and mistress like mine is.


    When we met, always knew

I would feel that magic for you

On my mind constantly

In my arms is where you should be



I love you here by me, baby

You let my love fly free

I want you in my life for all time



Caught up in the rapture of love

Nothing else can compare

When I feel the magic of you

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1 Comment

  1. Jeanette Hall February 6, 2017

    Wait until your 20th anniversary. It gets better with time!

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