Defining the intersection between listening and living

Needing direction

I’ve been thinking about my writing direction. What is it? what does it mean to me? Why is it important? All questions that I feel the need to answer. Yeah, I’m looking for the answers but I keep coming up short.  What should be rather simple makes my heart race, brings confusion, frustration, and an anxiety.

I’m not completely sure what I want anymore or how to get here. What my goals are? how do I accomplish them? I need to take a step back, you know start to look at the situation differently. Take back that ‘ctrl’. Ctrl because I’ve been sitting with Sza’s new album of the same name and there is a connection. A refreshing sense of urgency like she is looking for something similar. Recalling experiences. Living through frustrations and failures. Being consumed by thoughts of inadequacy. So far the track, Anything is what resonates.

Maybe I should kill my inhibition
Maybe I’ll be perfect in a new dimension

[Pre-Chorus]
Maybe I should pray a little harder
Or work a little smarter
This time baby promise I have learned my lesson ooh

[Chorus]
Down for the ride, down for the ride
You could take me anywhere
Do do do down for the ride, down for the ride
You could take me anywhere
I hope you will, I hope you will, I hope you will

[Verse]
Keepin’ up is hard to do
Even harder feeling heavy, steady chasin’ you
Beep beep, why are you lookin’ around, you lonely?
I feel you comin’ down like honey
Do do you even know I’m alive?
Do do you even know I, I

[Pre-Chorus]
Maybe I should pray a little harder
Or work a little smarter
This time baby promise I have learned my lesson ooh

-Sza, Crtl

 

These thoughts are distractions and excuses I tell myself why not to post. I’m looking at resetting. Knowing that I can accomplish anything if I just apply myself. Get back to that planning. You know to step back look at my current state of mind, priorities, and habits objectively. Create my way forward. I continually ask you as the reader to join me on this journey but where are we going? Evaluate what my message is. I find myself reading many other blogs. Commenting on the misadventures and experiences of others. Thinking of what I’m doing with my life. I’m in a very happy place. In all of much of my free thoughts. They are distractions and excuses I use to tell myself not to post. I need to reset. You know not take a break but to really answer these questions for myself,. Evaluate what my message is. I find myself reading many other blogs. Commenting on the misadventures and experiences of others. Thinking of what I’m doing with my life. I’m in a very happy place. In all of this there are still thoughts of what am I doing? I write/publish posts thinking is there a theme? I need to get back to perspective. When I am clicking publish I sometimes think to myself am I providing a perspective or just commenting. Can you as the reader really feel what I am experiencing. Is there a connection. For some perhaps for other you may be just going through the motion or maybe not. This could be a void a space that no one visits and I am just rambling to the void. Then I think sometimes maybe I should just delete it all and start from scratch.

I’m not sure of that destination. I know that experiencing and interacting with others helps me process. So I’ve been reading blogs, books, and just articles to keep me stimulated. Plugged into the pulse of human interaction. Community. Commenting on the misadventures and experiences of others.

I’m in a very happy place. Though these thoughts and questions are consuming I’m in a good place. Getting it down and out there helps me prioritize. When I think about some of my previous work I sometimes wonder when clicking Publish am I providing a perspective or just commenting. Can you as the reader really feel what I am experiencing. Is there a connection. For some perhaps there is and for others, you may be just going through the motions. This could be a void a space that no one visits. Am I just rambling into the void or am I really providing a space for community, insight, and perspective? There are times like these that I think to myself maybe I should just delete it all and start from scratch.

I’m not going to do that. I’m taking back control. A hard reset, getting back to the planning, testing, implementing. The entire plan-do-check-act cycle. Saying it out loud, writing it down, and just leaving it out there for me to see. Making me accountable not only to myself but you the reader. Get back to ensure you can feel and experience mu perspective from my writing. Give insights. I’m setting a direction, a goal, the start to a new journey and taking control of the way we move forward. Join me, tell me what I’m doing right, what’s wrong and what just plain does not make sense. Engage in the conversation that is my life and my perspective.

As always thank you

Sincerely, M.

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1 Comment

  1. Katie June 14, 2017

    I’ve been wondering some of the same things about my writing. I fear I’m losing my edge. Ugh.

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